Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's official drugs can't kill me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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