I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
