Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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