it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
