Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
this hospital has no fireball
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
