nut hugger
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
