She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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