So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
