Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
