I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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