I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
