How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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