Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
