Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
