Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
