That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
