wakey wakey hands off snakey
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
