dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
