I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
