had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You pole danced in your parka.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
