I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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