Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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