Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
