i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
