O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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