life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
