dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
