Can i not drive my cunt home
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
