it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
