I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
