Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
A bitchslap is in order.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
