I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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