I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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