could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
