I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
