dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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