Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
