Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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