I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
