My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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