dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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