Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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