Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
