the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
