Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
