I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
