I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
