my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
