I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
