I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
