I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
